Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
