He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a search helicopter?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
