if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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