We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
