We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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