We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
