I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
not ubering you a puppy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And then he peed in my hair
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