i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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