Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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