Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
