She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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