the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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