i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
