Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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