but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
