ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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