that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
