Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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