Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
