do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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