just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
