I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
