i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
