I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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