did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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