Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
