Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
