dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
