get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
