I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
