The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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