If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
