all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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