He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
