tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
