I'm jealous of your bromance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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