The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
