Moan for me like Helen Keller
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
