dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
