I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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