so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am spending my child support on dildos
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
