allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
