Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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