i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
