we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
