i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
