I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
