Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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