Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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