i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.