Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will be naked everywhere
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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