I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.