It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.