Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
