If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
