god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
