There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm having to shit out rocks
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