The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
