Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
