Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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