In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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