I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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