I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
