I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
