I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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