He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
