Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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