I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
