You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The air taste purple.
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