I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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