There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
false alarm. still invincible.
smell my finger.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
