is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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