I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
