I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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