Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
