you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
