Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
MIDGETS
????
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
