walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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