Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
