I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
