Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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