i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
