I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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