you guys were way drunker than both of me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
